 The gist of it....... |
  |
  Apr 28 2009, 07:23 AM
Post
#1
|
|
 Megaphone  Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13  |
I've wanted to write my story for a long time. But the thought of dredging up all those memories has prevented me from doing so. So I'll just cut to the chase.
The real horror began after my divorce was final. Subsequently, I was left with nothing. No income, no property. TarBaby's stealth in ensuring that was blood curdling. He didn't care who he took down or what he lost just as long as I ended up destitute. In 2005, I had to start over at 47. I found work wherever I could. I had nearly 30 different jobs over the last 3 years. I was so shellshocked from the tremendous loss that I could barely function. But I kept going in spite of my depression. Me and my daughter were virtually 'homeless' for 4 months in 2006. We stayed with a friend of mine. In October 2006 I managed to find an apartment. In January 2008 I started a part time job as office administrator for a man who owned four gourmet pretzel franchises. In February of this year I got a second bookkeeping job in a machine shop. I'm still not making enough money but I'll get there. In 2007, Zorya hired me to do secretarial/legal work for her law practice. She gave me the courage and confidence to keep pressing on even though my experience in the work world was very limited. She paid me generously. She was TOO generous. I can only hope I will be able to repay her kindness. Although it took several years, my depression and post traumatic stress dissipated. I no longer fear the prospect of finding work because if I can do ANYTHING, it's find a job. Fortunately, I am feeling fairly secure with the two part time jobs I have. My bosses are wonderful. It takes time to find one's niche, but when going through hell, just keep going. It worked for me! Life has been hard. But it has been immensely joyful and rewarding. Life without TarBaby is SO much better. I only wish I would've divorce him sooner AND had a better lawyer. But that's water under the bridge. I focus only on what's ahead of me and never, NEVER do I view myself as impoverished. On the contrary, I always feel VERY well off. "Do the thing which you fear the most." Tallulah 
 Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
  
|
|
|
Apr 28 2009, 11:52 AM
Post
#2
|
|
 Moo Moo Kazoo Group: Members
Posts: 2,959 Joined: 8-May 06 From: Greener pastures Member No.: 47 |
Love you, Tal. Zorya, you rock.
I woke up this morning thinking about my story, for some odd reason. Seeing yours here is helping me solidify what I want to say. Funny, because I was just in the shower thinking that maybe I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hold on to anything, I just wanted to let it all go. I was thinking about my experience during the birth of my son. I almost typed our, but I don't want to give him the respect. I'll save that for the legal system and outside world. I know it appears that I have an enchanted life and all that. But it wasn't always this way. This is where I lived when DB met me, and only because I had a friend that was kind enough to rent it to me and not kick me out or charge extra on those occasions when the rent was late. The rent was $550. I was making a net income around $1,700 at that time. Not one penny of savings. My ex saw to that. I also had $500 a month car payments. You do the math. This is where I live now.  More later. If I get around to starting my own thread. I am SO glad you broke away from abuse, Tal. Thanks, Tal. Cowie
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey  I think we should take stock of our own lives. You know, livestock. -Cowie VEGETARIAN: That's an old Indian word meaning "I don't hunt so good." ~Red Green And don't forget: Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain © 2008 2009 2010 Cowie |
|
|
|
|
Apr 29 2009, 02:48 AM
Post
#3
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
QUOTE (Cowie @ Apr 28 2009, 12:52 PM)  I woke up this morning thinking about my story, for some odd reason. Seeing yours here is helping me solidify what I want to say. Funny, because I was just in the shower thinking that maybe I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to hold on to anything, I just wanted to let it all go. In thinking we're not holding on to anything, we hold it even closer to the point of embracing it. To let it go we must get it out. Perhaps we can do it together. In bits and pieces. QUOTE I was thinking about my experience during the birth of my son. What happened? Tallulah Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
Apr 29 2009, 11:10 PM
Post
#4
|
|
|
Moo Moo Kazoo Group: Members
Posts: 2,959 Joined: 8-May 06 From: Greener pastures Member No.: 47 |
Get it out!!!! Yeah, you are right. I'll start my own thread and not bleed all over yours.
Two summers ago, I was seeing a therapist that wanted to go back to childhood trauma and issues, but we were going through our battle for the custody of DB's daughters and my issues on top of it were too much to deal with. I just wanted to get through the momentary and immediate anxiety. The thought of having to deal with even MORE crap was simply overwhelming and increased my anxiety. Maybe that is why we table delving into our pasts sometimes. The moment has to be right. We have to have the strength, distance, space in which to reflect, maybe. Cowie
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey I think we should take stock of our own lives. You know, livestock. -Cowie VEGETARIAN: That's an old Indian word meaning "I don't hunt so good." ~Red Green And don't forget: Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain © 2008 2009 2010 Cowie |
|
|
|
|
Apr 30 2009, 07:03 AM
Post
#5
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
QUOTE (Cowie @ Apr 30 2009, 12:10 AM) Get it out!!!! Yeah, you are right. I'll start my own thread and not bleed all over yours. Oh, please! Feel free to bleed all over mine. Pun intended.  I need all the help I can get 'triggering' memories cuz I've got them all SO buried it's gonna take a steam shovel to dig them out. Where's Tiger Lily with her wonderful machinery when you need her? Tal Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
May 28 2009, 12:13 AM
Post
#6
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
I think that the only way to write my story is to start out creating the titles to chapters.
Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole Chapter 2: Drink Me, Eat Me, Bite Me Chapter 3: The Looking Glass vs The Red Queen Chapter 4: Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
May 28 2009, 11:46 AM
Post
#7
|
|
 Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 4,345 Joined: 2-December 06 Member No.: 218 |
(((((Tallulah))))) ..... i am so glad you decided to write your story ..... getting it "out" will hopefully help remove the toxins - i think you are right about that ..... so, this will be good to help you let go of things ..... and i know the rest of us will surely learn from your story ..... you've often said that my h reminds you of Trogdor, so i hope it will help me to see the parallels .....
wow, i can really relate to having things so buried ..... you are brave to be willing to unbury things - i don't think i'd be able to go back and relive the stuff i had to bury and figure out what the heck was wrong with me to bury it in the first place! ok, so where will you start? will you start with Chapter 1, somewhere in the middle, or at the end? The titles for the chapters are very curious ..... can you explain a little about why you picked these titles? Why did you title the first chapter "Down the Rabbit Hole?" What does the title for chapter 2 mean? The third chapter has the Looking Glass as part of the title (connected somehow to being down the rabbit hole, yes?), and who is the Red Queen? (i think you are talking about "Alice in Wonderland" but i've never seen it, nor have i read the book - so i am just guessing from common basic references - i could be wrong) *HUGS* ghost If you are stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated, or fearful,
exasperated, frantic, stressed-out or tearful And your heart is in pieces that don't seem to mend.... Run, do not walk....to the arms of a friend. - Heidi Veronica I'm turning my 'map' around every direction, and it's useless. There is no map to where I am that's familiar, and it's as though I was driving and heard on the radio that my destination home city was wiped out by a nuke. - Esmerelda so, i guess we're not on the map, and we're not in Kansas anymore ..... that must mean we'll be somewhere over the rainbow someday soon ..... - me |
|
|
|
|
May 29 2009, 06:50 AM
Post
#8
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
Yes, Ghost. They're relative to Alice In Wonderland.
I was just throwing out some titles here although I'm not sure what I'll settle on. Throughout the day 1001 scenarios run through my head. I need to get them out of my head and on to paper so I'll be rid of them. Like I've been thinking about how the people who weren't 'on my side' because it wouldn't make them any money. Money is the root of this evil. With the exception of one circumstance I recall. A gal name Kelly worked as a bartender for us. On my birthday she bought me a necklace and some earrings which was a very sweet gesture. She gave the gift to Trog to give to me since I was rarely 'physically' in our bar. (I worked at home.) As it turns out, Trog was FURIOUS that she bought me a gift!!! In fact he was SO PlSSED that he reprimanded her for 'getting involved in his personal life'. WTF????????  She, in turn, was so ticked off by his behavior that she put in her two week notice and QUIT. Pfffffft. Trogdor. What an @ss.Tallulah Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
Feb 22 2010, 08:30 PM
Post
#9
|
|
|
Moo Moo Kazoo Group: Members
Posts: 2,959 Joined: 8-May 06 From: Greener pastures Member No.: 47 |
Okay, Tal. I'm back over here. Drink me, eat me, bite me. Them's dangerous words coming from a moo cow.
Cowie
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey I think we should take stock of our own lives. You know, livestock. -Cowie VEGETARIAN: That's an old Indian word meaning "I don't hunt so good." ~Red Green And don't forget: Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain © 2008 2009 2010 Cowie |
|
|
|
|
Feb 22 2010, 10:50 PM
Post
#10
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
QUOTE (Cowie @ Feb 22 2010, 08:30 PM) Okay, Tal. I'm back over here. Drink me, eat me, bite me. Them's dangerous words coming from a moo cow. They sure are, Cowie! LOL! Jeeeeeeeeezzz.......... my story. I can't believe I managed to type out any of it. It still makes my brain hemorrhage to think about it. I will get around to giving you all an update on the Trogdor saga. Yanno, Zorya's now in your neighborhood! You and Lothar MUST get around to hooking up with her! Tal Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
Feb 23 2010, 02:31 PM
Post
#11
|
|
|
Moo Moo Kazoo Group: Members
Posts: 2,959 Joined: 8-May 06 From: Greener pastures Member No.: 47 |
Yes, we must. Hmmmm. We'll be passing through a city north of here on Thursday.....
Cowie
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. ~Dennis Wholey I think we should take stock of our own lives. You know, livestock. -Cowie VEGETARIAN: That's an old Indian word meaning "I don't hunt so good." ~Red Green And don't forget: Sacred cows make the best hamburger. - Mark Twain © 2008 2009 2010 Cowie |
|
|
|
|
Apr 30 2010, 06:48 PM
Post
#12
|
|
|
Megaphone Group: Members
Posts: 3,038 Joined: 25-April 06 From: Hog Heaven Member No.: 13 |
Down The Rabbit Hole
Trogdor was a bar owner when I met him in 1982. He was 41, I was 23. He'd been married twice before but never had children. In 1985 my son, Ty (our first child) was born. I was living with three roommates in a small house during my pregnancy. Trog invited me to move in with him when our son was a month old. I refused. I wanted marriage. Trog didn't want to get married a third time. Being so vulnerable I capitulated and moved into Trog's house with my (our) son. (I'm sorry that I can't write about this with any creativity. The creative process flat lines when I think about my marital history.) Tal Everything will be OK in the end.
If it's not OK, it's not the end. ~Unknown I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things. ~ Tom Waits "Had she anything to engage her tremendous curiosity and her gift for metaphor, she might have exchanged the restlessness and preoccupation with whim and for an activity that provided her with all she yearned for...like any artist with no art form, she became dangerous..." (Toni Morrison, Sula.) |
|
|
|
|
May 22 2010, 02:29 AM
Post
#13
|
|
 Microphone Group: Members
Posts: 1,706 Joined: 21-February 07 From: CANADA Member No.: 319 |
Please keep writing about it, Tal.
HUGE HUGE HUGS!!! It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.
— e.e. cummings Progress not perfection. ~ Anita the Pizza |
|
|
|
|
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:
Skin by: Dragonfly © all rights reserved.
| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 8th September 2010 - 06:39 PM |