I'm cancelling Christmas, rant Options

[Stormy]

The following is not well thought out, it's more of a stream of consciousness word association rambling rant. Please pardon the unpleasantness, but I need to get it all out. Some of it is hyperbole, and more of a product of my emotions than reality.

I'm tired. I'm angry and I am resentful. It has occurred to me that no one in my family cares HOW things get done, just that they DO get done (by me and the magic fairy superwoman cleaner shopper organizer listener budgeter bill payer major money earner sex goddess).

If I get any help from anyone, it's only because I crack the whip and demand it (firmly and usually with more than a hint of desperation). If I ask politely, they ignore me or put me off, or complain that they have other plans. We're supposed to clean every other week on Saturday, and if I don't put my foot down and tell every single one of them that NO excuses/absences are tolerated, they pretend they didn't remember. My partner does it too. Which is worse because I feel like he should pick up some of the load WITHOUT me having to demand it, like he's another child. But he sits on the computer and plays games, naps, plays his guitar, eats, naps, watch movies, whatever, only taking time out to let the dog out and back in. Otherwise? He does nothing. At all. My S21 is only home to crash on the couch and snatch food out of the fridge. Once in a while, he sits at his computer for a while and plays games or watches a movie. D14 is either eating, begging for a ride here/there/everywhere, or wheedling money out of me. D4 dumped all of her toy baskets onto her floor over the weekend and refused to pick them up. So I put all the toys in a garbage bag. She has one shot to put them back in the baskets or I throw them out.

What is this F*@# sh*t??? No one feels that they need to contribute a frigging thing to the family/household?

Dishes/pots sit in the sink for days even when I nag at family to do them. Toys lay around indefinately. Dog hair accumulates on the hardwood floor and no one cares enough to sweep. Shoes get dumped in the middle of the living room (stinky and in the way). If we run out of something, they're supposed to write it on a list I keep on the counter. A couple of weeks ago I announced that I would not be going to the grocery store for my weekly run, as there was NOTHING on the list. I sarcastically thanked everyone for NOT EATING ANYTHING all week. Of course, stuff started showign up on the list. Empty soda cartons and other large trash items get thrown at the back door and just lie there, as people avoid the door or step over them. If I don't give D4 a bath, she doesn't get one. People ignore stuff on the floor, the grass gets knee high outside, pile bags, books, odds and ends on every horizontal surface in the house. There is a pile of blankets and inflatable bed still leaning against the wall from Thanksgiving visitors. Of course, the blankets are tumbled around now. The fluids in my car don't get checked unless I ask 13 times or DO IT MYSELF.

The middle of last week, I asked my unemployed son to get out the christmas tree and put it together by the weekend so we could decorate it. I asked my spouse to work with son to get the outside lights up. I specifically asked for this time frame as daughter is going to her dad's next weekend and the following one is right before Christmas, so why bother doing it that late? I asked them each to do 2 chores, not the full cleaning since I spent my entire vacation scrubbing the effing house. Not ONE of them lifted a finger.

So last night I parked myself in front of the TV and told them all I was CANCELLING CHRISTMAS. They expect me to earn the money, save the money, go do all the shopping, wrap the presents, cook the food, decorate the tree/house, and they can't be bothered to lift a friggin finger?? I said, obviously I am the only one who gives a sh!t about this Christmas stuff, so I'm not going to force it down you peoples throats. Consider it cancelled. D4 does care, but she's too little to help out. And, I added, I'm about ready to resign as chief slave too. See if anyone else wants to take it on. Because, I'm tired and mad and overfriggingwhelmed.

You know, I go to an office full of insecure women who whisper and point and play matyr. And I get the pleasure of their company for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Then, I work another 15 hours a week for another client, to earn enough money to make having a job break even, thanks to daycare and health insurance costs. Then we have the lovely game that is supposed to be my relaxation and entertainment. Except I'm the guild leader and I'm getting pressured to keep people happy. Because you know, they get bad attitudes when I don't jump when they snap their fingers and that's all my fault and I'm not even wanting to log in anymore. Except that there are 100 people who are paying $15 a month and they expect that the guild I lead will provide THEM with quality entertainment. And I try to squeeze a couple of hours a week in at the gym, but lately I've been just too darn tired to go some of the time.

So I want to know what am I supposed to do? I want to quit. I want a break. I want SOMEONE TO CARE. If I don't do something, that sh!t comes back to bite me...tenfold!!

Spouse has his head up his behind lately, err, buried in some new video game. This isn't particularly unusual. He doesn't hear our D4 at all...asking for a drink or digging in the fridge or playing beauty salon with the hand sanitizer. So, I'm up and down trying to watch her while I do my accounting work. The other night, he is fused to the computer and D4 climbs up on her chair in her room and drags down the sidewalk chalk from the top of her bookshelf. She brings it to daddy to open, who blows her off without looking at what she's asking for. So she brings it to me. I say, "No honey, that isn't an indoor toy. It's for outside". She bursts into tears and goes back over to daddy. He absently starts to open it and I say..."Wait!! She can't play with that inside!!" He says..."Why not?!" I'm like, "We can't give sidewalk chalk to a 4 yr old to use unsupervised indoors. (Isn't this obvious?) We have hardwood floors and she can't draw on them or the walls, sheesh!" He says, "she'll be fine". I say, "Oh no, she won't. You are oblivious over there in your game and I'm trying to work here". He yells that he is NOT oblivious (he is so oblivious he might as well be comatose), and that starts her really bawling and he is mad, so he picks her up and goes to our bedroom and SLAMS the friggin door behind them. I'm not sure who did what, so I follow to explain to D4 that slammng doors is not ok, and it occurs to me that HE had to have done it as our door has child proof door knobs. I open the door and asked him, he said "Yeah...I did. SO WHAT??" I said, "Please don't. That isn't something she needs to learn". He screamed at me, "GET OFF MY EFFING ARSE". I turn around and walk out. Of course, now he acts like nothing happened. And I'm too tired to figure out if I could have handled it better. Or what to do about him. The 4yr old is constantly getting by him with this or that, as he truly has his head off in la la land most of the time.

I gotta go. Spent enough time on this post. Will be back, as I'm not done ranting.

[flutey]

(((Stormy)))

I wish I had the power to motivate a few of your family members...they certainly need to start carrying their weight around the house.

Canceling Xmas sounds like a good idea...they don't want to get the tree up, put up the lights, then they can live with the consequences e.g., no Xmas. Maybe you can do something small for your D4, because she might not understand.

[Stormy]

I'm angry and want to punch something. AND, I'm on the verge of tears half the time.

Gah!!!!

[Stormy]

(((Stormy)))

I wish I had the power to motivate a few of your family members...they certainly need to start carrying their weight around the house.

Canceling Xmas sounds like a good idea...they don't want to get the tree up, put up the lights, then they can live with the consequences e.g., no Xmas. Maybe you can do something small for your D4, because she might not understand.

I know, she's the only reason I've kept going (so far).

[Rocket]

(((((Stormy))))) I wish I had something wise to say, but all I've got is cyber hugs. I wish it was something more. You'll never know how many times your words and hugs kept my head above water, hon. Thank you for that.



Just keep hanging on and keep "shouting at the rocks" here, okay?

[Phoenix]

WoW Stormy! The balance of responsibility is not in your favor at all. I don't know how you can manage all those tasks daily, weekly, monthly or annually. I think that cancelling the big Christmas blowout at the Stormyhouse is a wonderful idea. Perhaps you and D4 can make a small tree or do something special to celebrate the occasion.


(((((((Stormy)))))))))

[blank]

Santa can leave a few gifts for D4 and mom can go on strike! Everyone else has been naughty, therefore Santa will not be bringing them anything this year. Seriously. Unless you stop doing everything for them all the time, they are going to continue to treat you like this AND IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!

Many hugs for a hardworking lady!

[Stormy]

Interesting, of all the family members, D14 seems to most willing to step up and help/make it happen.

Spouse pulled the decorations out of the storage area.
Son put the tree together.
Daughter tried to put the lights up, although they weren't working right and she is only 5' tall, lol.

I just shrugged my shoulders when they asked my help. She got mad/frustrated a few times and snarked about how SELFISH I was. I just laughed and said...really? How much did you do for the family this last weekend? Anything? Anything at all? I worked a 2nd job, swept the house, emptied the cat litter, did 4 loads of L-word, did the grocery shopping and picked up all the crap lying around. And somehow, you think that is me being selfish? Honey child, I've spoiled you (ALL) wayyy too much. It's time you stopped leaning on me to handle everything.

One kind of funny moment, D14 was yanking around the lights, trying to get them untangled and I stopped to watch. She yells...get out! Go away! WE (her, S21, his friend 18, and friends gf, 17 were all in the living room) don't WANT you here!!!! Son's friend says...I do! Son says, me too! Son's friends gf says, so do I!. I grinned at D14 and says, maybe you should speak for yourself? But I left the room anyway. I just thought it was noteworthy.

I'm buying more lights tonight. We'll see what happens next.

[flutey]

(((Stormy)))

Sounds like some progress is being made. I hope it keeps up (even if your DD thinks you're being "selfish")

[karmak]

(((Stormy)))

Keep not doing anything!

[Becky]

(((Stormy)))

Keep not doing anything!

I second that! It shouldn't take an explosion from you to get them to pull their weight. The only one with any kind of excuse at all is the 4 yo and she can be taught. Trouble is, she has some bad examples to follow! If she sees her daddy and siblings blowing you off she will tend to follow them. I would tell her that every toy I end up having to pick up goes away for a period of time, maybe a week or two? That would be an eternity to her an d might make an impression.

I don't know what to say about the issue of men who spend hours playing computer games to the exclusion of their responsibilities. Just that it makes me .

[ozzie brat]

I understand your frustration (((((Stormy))))).

Is Christmas back on?

[frenchfries]

(((Stormy)))

Only just now reading this. I do hope someone stepped up and helped out. And I hope YOU had a peaceful Christmas, if only with D4!!

Lots of hugs. I really do hear you!

[blank]

So, Stormy, what did you end up doing about Christmas?

[Stormy]

Well, yes we did have a Christmas .

Somehow it all came together. S21, D14, and my guy put up the tree. I went and bought new lights for the ones not working. We did not decorate the exterior as we always have. I refused to do it, no one else could be bothered, so it stayed undecorated. Most of the general decorations did not get put out, but the tree was enough, considering how swamped I was.

We started the new tradition, which I thought was pretty cool. We all together went to the Roger's Christmas store and each of us picked out an ornament. When we got home, we etched/marked our initials and the year on them, then hung them. I bought some inexpensive, plastic cookie rounds which we will store each year in, with the year marked on the lid.

We got extra money from my guy's mom/dad as his mom had broken her arm and couldn't go driving/shopping, so she asked us to buy the presents from them. So we had a lovely pile from us as well as from them. S21's girlfriend, who was adamantly against joining the family celebration-"I'm not family, I'll be intruding, etc."-was up at 6:30am, calling S21 to go get her and bring her to our house (yes, I'd bought her a couple of small presents). So we did our traditional unload the stockings while in our jammies routine, then on to the have breakfast, get dressed, then settle down to open all the presents routine. Another friend of S21's whose family was apparently ignoring her and refusing to acknowledge Christmas to her ended up with us, so we invited her to have dinner with us and hang around. Somehow, I always end up with a house full of strays, although I don't really mind .

My guy took the tree down this Sunday, all alone, as I had a stomach virus and was semi-comatose after 12+ hours of vomiting Sat night/Sun morn. Maybe he's trying to make up for his bah humbuggedness or maybe he just wanted the stuff GONE...lol. Doesn't matter, result is the same.

It's over for another year.